Watching the news leads to depression in 97 out of every 100 people. Have you ever watched the news without seeing something that made you sad, how about mad, do news stories make you mad? “Fire kills family”, “car crash kills 2 teens”, I could make a list a mile long! If the content of the news is not bad enough, they fill all of the ad spots with more content to make you sad. “Your Fat”, “Your Bald”, “You pay too much for car insurance”, heck another long list of ads that make us sad, angry and depressed! Would it hurt them to find an advertiser that sells something good? How about an ad for family vacations, swing sets, tasty edible panties, heck I would even settle for dog food ads. I was about to mention beer but that is needed to deal with the depression.
Can we continue to let 1000’s of people die each day due to the new mental illness called “news depression”? Are you even aware of this illness? If so, I thought I just made it up but I’ve been wrong before. Experts agree that within 6 years news depression deaths will exceed that of both Cancer and AIDS! In the next few weeks we will interview both of the experts Dr Makepatend and Dr Bulchit who will also answer any questions that are left as comments on this site.
By now you must be wondering what you can do to stop news depression and save thousands of dollars a year on beer and other depression medications. I have the following four step plan;
1. Change the channel- don’t watch depressing news!
2. Click away- from depressing websites!
3. Palm to nose- place the palm of your hand to the nose of anyone who spreads depressing news. This gesture is guaranteed to stop the flow of bad news.
4. Take up a hobby or several hobbies so you can waste your extra time on the internet researching these hobbies. I would suggest my favorite hobby, banning mommy bloggers, or some other positive hobbies;
A) Warning drivers of “crossing walk police stings”.
B) Removing bumper stickers from cars and placing them on windshields.
C) Teaching drive through workers to speak English.
D) Goofing on telemarketers until they demand that you never answer the phone again.
You get the point, turn off the depressing news, take up a healthy hobby, life a long life and return to read more of my garbage.
Comments are welcome unless you are a mommy blogger.