When I was still in college, I worked as much as possible and always fell short of having enough drinking money.  Correction, I always had enough drinking money but not enough money to pay bills.  In my  search for extra money, I stumbled across an ad for a company that was looking for people to try drugs for two weekends in exchange for $5oo!

$500 for the company to provide me lodging and 3 meals a day while they gave me free drugs & money, it was a dream come true!  When I first contacted them on the phone they said their testing place had pool tables, tv’s with unlimited movies and that 20-30 other people would be there for the party as well.  They didn’t really call it a party, actually they had a bunch of other details that I failed to pay any attention to at the time.

My first step was going in for a complete physical and of all things……a drug test.  I passed both with flying colors since I was in great shape and didn’t have enough money for drugs to fail the drug test.  The next step was showing up on a Friday afternoon for another drug test and commiting to spending two weekends having a blast.  When the Friday afternoon finally rolled around I showed up along with the 20-30 people ready to party.  We were all given another drug test and then they searched us and our bags for drugs and weapons.  Oddly enough I was one of the only people that did not bring a weapon to the party.

Once we were settled the informed us that everyone except 2 people would be given a drug that the FDA already approved but they have to test it again so they can make their own generic drug to keep away competitors.  Our party drug was……….something to help pregnant women!  WTF, I was planning on some meth or shrooms!  To make me even more happy they told us about our bedtimes along with a giant list of rules.  They also had a team of Nazi’s that enforced the rules and if you violated them you could get kicked out without any pay.

Us inmates were still able to have a good time shooting pool all day between watching films about clit piercing and all sorts of sick stuff.  They let us pick out the movies that they rented so everyone requested the sickest stuff they could think of to upset the staff.  Once they began dosing us with meds I found out that I was one of the lucky two who got the dummy drug (nothing) since everyone who got the real drug ended up throwing up.  It was sort of like being the only sober person at a party full of people that ran around vommiting—I had a blast making fun of people!

After the second weekend I collected my $500 and the phone number of the only good looking girl in our drug study.  Stay tuned for:  Dating a Hooker, my story about dating that good looking girl.

Organic Christmas Trees For Sale, if you found this post then you must of Googled the term and you must be looking for an organic Christmas tree.  I’m glad you found my site since I could not sleep at night knowing that your family might suffer another Christmas with a “regular Christmas tree”.  Who really wants an x-mas tree that is grown in regular dirt?  I get sick at the thought of bringing anything other than a real organic x-mas into my home for the holidays.

While I’m on the topic of organic, can you believe that some people use real maple syrup without the organic seal?  I was at Maple Grove Farms in St Johnsbury Vermont and discovered that they sell both organic maple syrup and “the regular stuff”.  Why would anyone put that garbage on their kids breakfast?  Sure they both come the same trees………sure they are boiled in the same pots………sure they are bottled on the same production line……….sure the only difference is a sticker……….but the sticker cost an extra couple of dollars and it gives us a nice organic label.

So do you still want an organic x-mas tree?  By now hopefully you know that you also need some organic maple syrup, you need it don’t you?  We are now taking orders for organic Christmas trees and will include a bottle of REAL ORGANIC MAPLE SYRUP  ***INCLUDING THE STICKER for the first 100 orders.

4-5′ Organic Christmas Tree $1700.00

6-7″ Organic Christmas Tree $2300.00

8-9′ Organic Christmas Tree $2900.00

10-12′ Organic Christmas Tree $3755.00

Shipping within 50 miles of Boston MA $210.00

Shipping within 100 miles of Boston MA $622.90

Shipping each mile over 100 miles $12.38

Please leave a comment with your e-mail and we will contact you about your organic tree for the 2008 Christmas season.

Are you a spammer?  Do you waste your time spamming forums, blogs and social bookmarking sites?  If so, you might of died and went to heaven, a new social bookmarking site was created just for you!  The Brains behind one of the internets largest social bookmarking site has created a bookmarking site just for spammers like you and your mother.

In exchange for the link to THE SPAMMERS SOCIAL BOOKMARKING SITE, you must promise to leave my sites free of your spam.

Have fun spreading your spam links and remember to leave my sites alone.

I was looking through this site’s search engine stats and found that my post about how young kids should not wear shorts with sexy messages on the back is attracting the perverts that search on Google.  I can understand people Googling some odd terms but Googling terms about kid’s butts is just sick!

Here are a list of what the perverts are searching for and finding this site:

With everyone talking about “how to shop for excellent” hosting while they are pimping hosting ads that pay them $100 or more every time someone signs up I figured I would talk about what I know best.  I am considered an expert in the field of finding and hiring crappy hosting companies.  If you are in need of really bad hosting then the blog post was written for you—–>____________(insert your name).

First off you might notice that this blog does not contain any ads.  It’s not that I am to lazy to run ads, it’s more along the lines that any company in their right mind would not let me run an ad for them on this site.  Any of the crappy tips that I provide come from my heart and they are not motivated by money.  Speaking of money, if you really want to sign up for hosting, I can put an ad on another one of my sites that you can click on, the $100 each sign up adds up over time.  In order to save both of us some time you can just PayPal me $100 and I will return $50 (we will split your money).

My need for hosting started when I started to buy really crappy websites on the Digital Point forums.  I bought a bunch that were full of ads in hopes that millions of people would visit to buy the stuff in the ads while I sat on a beach dreaming of whatever I dream about (since this is a family site, I can’t mention the dream contents).  I’ll save the “how to buy crappy websites” for another post.

OK, so I collected 20 or so crappy sites and decided to buy hosting.  Everyone that pimped the Godaddy ads told me to use Godaddy.  Over the course of a couple months I spent more time on the phone and in on-line chat rooms will the Godaddy staff then I did sleeping.  Everytime they would help me transfer a site to my hosting the other accounts would go down.  Most of this is because they sold me shared hosting with only one control panel.  If the website files did not go to the right place they could take all of the sites down.  Speaking of uploading website files, Godaddy has a built in FTP client but it seldom works so you have to find naother one!  None the less after a couple months it was time for me to move on.  Godaddy was very happy to see me go and they never put up a fight refunding my money.  While I still use them for buying domain names, I would not use their hosting if they paid me.

My next step was moving my sites over to Hostgator.  With Hostgator I was able to click my own ad and I earned $100 which provided me with free hosting for 6 months or so.  Hostgator actually moved all of my sites from Godaddy for free and they did it in a timely manner!  My only real beef with hostgator is that their help sucks (in my opinion).  It takes hours for help that should take 5 minutes from a skill person.  Overall Hostgator was OK, but my hosting needs exceeded what they could provide.

While I was still at Hostgator I decided to start a couple Pligg sites, they are just like Digg.com, social bookmarking sites.  A bunch of whores with DreamHost ads talked me into using DreamHost for my hosting.  At first I put one Pligg site up on my hosting and after a month I was using less than 1% of my bandwidth and disk space.  I knew I overbought but I figured that my site would take off.  At this point I added a second Pligg site for Green Authors to share their blog posts.  Heck, both Pligg sites were really a donation to the blogging world from me since I did not run ads on either one of them.

So last week I am checking out my sites when one of my Pligg sites is down, I checked the system resources and both sites are still at less than 1% of my limit.  I waste 2 hours with their customer less than service and find out that if 3 or 4 people are on one of my sites at the same time then I violate their TOS and they shut me down.  OMG, a social bookmarking site can’t have more than 3 people on it at once–bullcrap!  After 2 hours I informed them that they would need to fix their hosting or I would need to leave.  Within 5 minutes I had an e-mail form them with all the details that I needed to leave.  I quess they valued my business?  Or did they value pimping the fact that they are “Green’ since they buy Carbon credits but they would not comp my Green Social Bookmarking site a little hosting space.  As we speak one of my other sites on DreamHost is down.  I just went to Digital Point and other people have sites that are down on DreamHost…..maybe they shoud be called DownHost?

I would suggest that crappy hosting companies provide crappy hosting to static websites and not for bloggers that are willing to share their opinions with the entire blogging world and anyone who lands here from searching Google.  Good luck if you are shopping for hosting, I am currently in the process of moving all of my sites a new VPS server.  If you are looking for good hosting, leave a comment and I can provide you with the info for my current hosting company.

I booked a flight this morning to Jamaica on Spirit Airlines, they had the lowest price and best flight times.  On the flights I save about $100-$150 over any of the other carriers.  I am able to arrive in Jamaica at 1120 am compared to 720 pm regardless of the departure time on the other airlines.

So, I am about to pay for my flight when they offer a $40 discount if I sign up and use their Mastercard.  10 minutes later they want to charge me $39 for the year (membership fee), WOW I would save one dollar? After paying with my own credit card I am excited about picking out my seats.  I like to be in the back of the plane in an isle seat so I can watch the other passengers in front of me scream as the plane crashes! Well, I really am not sure if I get enjoyment from it since I have never tried it in the past.

I click on the back isle seat and a $10 charge pops up……wait WTF, they want to charge me $10 for my favorite seat? How do they know that this is my favorite seat, I have never used them before.  For the next minute or so I click on a bunch of the other seats and find that the cheap ones are the middle seats at $5.00 per seat.  Now I began to think, I already paid for my tickets, I generally drink a ton of Scotch when I fly, maybe I will just bring a pillow and pass out in the isle or in the bathroom. I finally found some check here box about their seating policy and clicked it.  If you want free seats you have to let them pick your seats at random!  Screw that idea, they might put me up front so everyone else on the flight can watch me scream like a bitch when we crash.

Luggage, I almost forget this one.  Generally airlines will let you check 1 or 2 bags along with your carry on bag (talking about the bags that go under the plane in the cargo area).  Spirit airlines charges you for every bag that goes in the cargo area.  I am actually cool with this policy if it keeps their prices down since people pack too much shit when they travel.  For a one week trip to Jamaica you only really need to bring:

21 condoms

A crap load of rolling papers.

A passport

A MP3 player loaded with good Reggae music.

All of this stuff can fit in your pockets so luggage is really not needed at all.

Since I’m not leaving for a month I’m sure that Spirit Airlines will have some time to e-mail me about a few more add on charges.  I’m sure they charge females for toilet paper usage and maybe even the water to wash your hands.  If you happen to be on the same flight as me and we crash, I’ll be the one in the back yelling “check out my blog I was blogging about us  crashing and you bitches screaming”.  I’m a nice guy, so come on back and join me and we can poke fun at all of the people screaming.

A few weeks ago I was watching some lame news channel  when they ran a story about Gold For Gas.  The breaking news was about people being so hard up for gas that they were being forced to pawn their gold.  I just hate how the news tries to shock and alarm people, the story really changed my life, now I am afraid to buy gold.

Not to sound cruel but if you live on a tight budget, tight enough to buy gold then I might suggest giving up scratch tickets, crack cocaine, booze, smokes, porn, concert tickets, cable TV……I could go on for hours.  Since gold seems to fetch 25 cents on the dollar when you sell it at pawn shops one can only conclude that a wise man did not invest in it for a rainy day.  The same wise man might of overlooked a few years of high school when selecting a career that paid him enough money to risk all with an increase in gas.

I’m not making jokes about the price of gas, hell I will spend over $10,000 this year on heat and that excludes heating oil.  Hopefully some of the $10,000 (actually closer to 12k) will help fill up the gas tanks of the same people who are pawning their gold.  I could actually sleep at night knowing that by my shopping at [where ever they work] that I could be putting gas in their tank so they can drive to the pawn shop! God bless you if you pay 4 times the resell rate for gold and wonder why you can’t afford gas.

Speaking of pawn shops, don’t support them or you will end up buying stolen goods.

I’m not sure who invented the trend of messages on the butt of women’s shorts and pants.  I’m all for free speech, if you want to have the butt of your shorts printed with “spicy”, “easy”, “tasty” or even “whore”, you have my total support!

I do take issue when I see young girls(4-18) with writing on their butts.  How parents let their kids leave home with clothes that force people to look at their butts is just wrong.  It’s like saying “attention all pedophiles, look at my kids butt”.  What’s next, writng on the lower front side of the shorts?  How about writing on the front around the nipple area?

Kids can be kids without drawing attention to their butts.  Tee-shirts have plenty of room to send any message that your kids want to send.

Watching the news leads to depression in 97 out of every 100 people. Have you ever watched the news without seeing something that made you sad, how about mad, do news stories make you mad?  “Fire kills family”, “car crash kills 2 teens”, I could make a list a mile long!  If the content of the news is not bad enough, they fill all of the ad spots with more content to make you sad.  “Your Fat”, “Your Bald”, “You pay too much for car insurance”, heck another long list of ads that make us sad, angry and depressed!  Would it hurt them to find an advertiser that sells something good?  How about an ad for family vacations, swing sets, tasty edible panties, heck I would even settle for dog food ads.  I was about to mention beer but that is needed to deal with the depression.

Can we continue to let 1000’s of people die each day due to the new mental illness called “news depression”? Are you even aware of this illness?  If so, I thought I just made it up but I’ve been wrong before.  Experts agree that within 6 years news depression deaths will exceed that of both Cancer and AIDS!  In the next few weeks we will interview both of the experts Dr Makepatend and Dr Bulchit who will also answer any questions that are left as comments on this site.

By now you must be wondering what you can do to stop news depression and save thousands of dollars a year on beer and other depression medications.  I have the following four step plan;

1.  Change the channel- don’t watch depressing news!

2.  Click away- from depressing websites!

3.  Palm to nose-  place the palm of your hand to the nose of anyone who spreads depressing news.  This gesture is guaranteed to stop the flow of bad news.

4.  Take up a hobby or several hobbies so you can waste your extra time on the internet researching these hobbies.  I would suggest my favorite hobby, banning mommy bloggers, or some other positive hobbies;

A)  Warning drivers of “crossing walk police stings”.

B)  Removing bumper stickers from cars and placing them on windshields.

C)  Teaching drive through workers to speak English.

D)  Goofing on telemarketers until they demand that you never answer the phone again.

You get the point, turn off the depressing news, take up a healthy hobby, life a long life and return to read more of my garbage.

Comments are welcome unless you are a mommy blogger.

While it might not be any of my business what others blog about, I can not accept or support any of the “mommy blogs”.  The thought of people blogging about changing diapers, watching TV, cheating with the pool boy, doing crystal meth or whatever mommy bloggers do just makes me want to barf.

I wonder if these mommy bloggers actually check their stats to see if anyone reads their blogs?  Who in the hell would want to read that type of content?  I can’t even imagine that another mommy blogger cares about some other meth head and how they wipe their baby’s behind!  If your wondering why I assume that all mommy bloggers are meth heads (people that do meth) it’s only because I really think that they are crack heads but nobody wants to imagine little crack babies.

For the sake of this post we will have to assume that all mommy bloggers drive a SUV or maybe a caravan of some sorts.  The back window must have one of the “baby on board” yellow signs so people know that they are nutty.  The side windows will have the baby roll down sun screens so the baby’s nap is not disturbed by other drivers flipping off their new mom.  I almost forgot, the back window has a mirror so the mommy blogger can look in the rear view mirror into the back window mirror to see the reflection of her ugly offspring.

Now some of you might wonder how a mommy blogger can afford to sit at home on her fat behind?  Have you ever heard of Penthouse forums (the dirty stories)?  I can see the light bulb going off in your head, yes the mommy bloggers write all of the content for the dirty stories!  If you want proof just call one and ask if you can be her pool boy for a day, wait 1-2 months and read all about your special day in Penthouse.

While I have an interest in banning mommy bloggers, I have fears that my plan might turn them into “single mommy bloggers”.  You see, if their overworked under sexed husbands find this article then they might dump the _itch.  We will still end up with the same crappy content clogging up the internet plus hard working men will have to work a second job to support the meth heads lifestyle.  Note- meth head and mommy blogger can be used in exchange for one and another.  I think the solution might be to not allow them to purchase hosting accounts but I’ll need some help in order to ban mommy bloggers from purchasing hosting.  Your help is required, it’s not an opinion, you can be part of the solution or part of the problem- so what are you going to do?